We bring you a collection of funny jokes – jokes for kids of all ages. From silly jokes to popular jokes and riddles, we guarantee you a good laugh!
Animal Antics
- What do you call a dog with a bunch of daisies on its head?
A collie-flower.
- It’s raining cats and dogs.
I know. I just stepped on a poodle.
- How do you stop your dog from digging in the garden?
Take away his spade.
- What happens when a frog’s car breaks down?
It gets toad away.
- What brand of gas do snails prefer?
Shell.
- What game do cow’s play at parties?
Moosical chairs.
- What is a cat’s favorite TV programme?
Miami mice.
- What do you give a sick pig?
An itch-hiker.
- What do glow-worms eat?
Light snacks.
- Mother kangaroo: I hate it when it rains and the kids have to play inside!
- How many sheep does it take to knit a sweater?
I didn’t even know they could knit!
- What do you get if you cross a parrot with a centipede?
A walkie-talkie.
- One goldfish swimming in a goldfish bowl said to another goldfish: Why do you keep following me around?
- What do you call a penguin in a dessert?
Lost.
- Does your dog bite?
No.
Ow! I thought you said your dog didn’t bite!
He doesn’t. That isn’t my dog!
Funny Jokes For Kids
- How do you stop your dog from barking in the hall?
Put him in the hall.
- What animal always goes to bed with its shoes on?
A horse.
- How do you stop a skunk from smelling?
Hold its nose.
- What is a bear’s favorite drink?
Coca-Koala.
- Who tells chicken jokes?
Comedi-hens.
- How do you find out where a flea has bitten you?
Start from scratch.
- What should you do if you find a snake in your bed?
Sleep in the closet.
- What do you do with a sick wasp?
Take it to the waspital.
- What is a slug?
A snail with a housing problem.
- Has your cat ever had fleas?
No, just kittens.
- What is a dog’s favorite food?
Anything that’s on your plate.
- What did one flea say to other as they came out of the nightclub?
“Shall we go home or take a dog?”
- Why shouldn’t you play cards in the jungle?
Because there are too many cheetahs.
- What animal is best at baseball?
A bat.
- What happened to the cat who ate a ball of wool?
She had mittens.
Funny Jokes For Kids
- When is the best time to buy chicks?
When they’re going cheap.
- A man was amazed to see a dog buying meat for his owner in a butcher shop. Not only did he appear to check the quality of the meat, but he noticed that the butcher short-charged him, and growled until he was given the right money.
Intrigued, the man followed the dog from the shop and saw him help an old lady across the road with her shopping bags. The man then followed the dog to his owner’s house and couldn’t believe his eyes when the dog stood up on his hind legs to ring the doorbell.
The dog’s owner came to the door, took the shopping from the dog and kicked him out into the garden. The man watching was horrified and called out to the owner, “I can’t believe you kicked that amazing dog – he does you shopping, checks your change, and even helps old ladies across the road!”
“I know,” the owner replied, “but that’s the third time this week that he’s forgotten the keys.”
Crazy Name Funny Jokes For Kids
- What do you call a woman with one leg shorter than the other?
Eileen.
- What do you call a boy with one foot just in the door?
Justin.
- What do you call a girl who gambles?
Betty.
- What do you call a man wearing worn out clothes?
Fred Bare.
- What do you call a girl with one foot on either side of the river?
Bridget.
- What do you call a man with a spade on his head?
Doug.
- What do you call a girl with only one pants leg?
Jean.
- What do you call a man who’s a talented painter?
Art.
- Who was the first underwater spy?
James Pond.
- What do you call a man who can sing and drink soda at the same time?
A pop singer.
- What do you call a man with a car on his head?
Jack.
- What do you call a lady in the distance?
Dot.
- What do you call a man with numbers down his front/
Bill.
Funny Jokes For Kids
- What do you call a man in a pile of leaves?
Russel.
- What do you call a man with a rabbit on his head?
Warren.
- What do you call a man who steals a lot?
Robin.
- Who was Russia’s most famous gardener?
Ivan Hoe.
- What do you call a man with a seagull on his head?
Cliff.
Doctor, Doctor… Jokes For Kids
- Doctor, doctor, I keep thinking I’m a telephone.
Well, take these pills and if you don’t get better give me a call.
- Doctor: You need glasses.
Patient: how can you tell?
Doctor: I knew as soon as you walked through the window.
- Doctor, doctor, my head has flowers and trees growing out of it and people keep having picnics on me.
Ahhh. I guess you’ve got a beauty spot.
- Doctor, doctor, I keep thinking I’m a fruitcake.
What’s got into you?
Oh, you know, flour, butter, raisins…all the usual ingredients.
- Doctor, doctor, I keep thinking I’m a goat.
How long have you felt like this?
Since I was a kid.
- Doctor, doctor, I think I’m a bread roll.
Oh, stop loafing around.
- Doctor, doctor, I think I’m invisible.
Who said that?
- Doctor, doctor, I can’t help stealing things.
Please take a seat.
- Doctor, doctor, my wife thinks she’s a clock.
Are you sure you haven’t been winding her up?
- Doctor, doctor, can you give me first aid?
No, I’m afraid you’ll have to wait for your turn.
Funny Jokes For Kids
- Doctor, doctor, I feel like a pack of cards.
Take a seat and I’ll deal with you later.
- Doctor, doctor, how can I stop smoking?
Try to avoid setting fire to yourself?
- Doctor, doctor, I keep getting this stabbing pain in my eye when I drink a cup of tea.
Try taking the spoon out.
- Doctor, doctor, I keep forgetting things.
When did this start happening?
When did what start happening?
- Doctor, doctor, I think I’m a spoon.
Stay quiet, get lots of rest, and don’t stir yourself.
- Doctor, doctor, I keep seeing big pink monsters with purple spots.
Have you seen a psychiatrist?
No, just big pink monsters with purple spots.
- Doctor, doctor, what’s the best cure for a flat feet?
A foot pump.
- Doctor, doctor, I feel like an apple.
Don’t worry, I don’t bite.
- Doctor, doctor, I think I’m a dustbin.
Don’t talk such rubbish.
School Side-Splitters
- Teacher: Name a legendary creature that was half man half beast.
Pupil: Buffalo Bill,
- Teacher: When was the Iron age?
Pupil: Before they invited drip-dry shirts?
- Teacher: What can you tell me about the Dead Sea?
Pupil: I didn’t even know it was ill.
- Why did cavemen paint pictures on cave walls?
Pupil: Because they couldn’t spell their names.
- You should have been here at 9 o’clock!
Pupil: Why, what happened?
- Teacher: This homework is in your father’s handwriting.
Pupil: I know sir, I borrowed his pen.
Funny Jokes For Kids
- What do music teachers give you?
Sound advice.
- Teacher: Can you tell me where elephants are found?
Pupil: How can anyone lose an elephant?
- Teacher: What was the Roman’s most remarkable achievement?
Pupil: Learning Latin.
- Teacher: if you had $5 in one pocket and $2.45 in the other, what would you have?
Pupil: Someone else’s pants on, miss.
- What word is always spelled incorrectly?
Incorrectly.
- Teacher: Can you name two days of the week beginning with the letter ‘T’?
Pupil: Today and tomorrow!
- Teacher: The ruler of old Russia was called the czar and his wife was called the Czarina. What were his children called?
Pupil: Czardines?
- What did the chicken study in college?
Eggnomics.
- Why did the thermometer go to college?
Because he wanted to get a degree.
- Teacher: You have your shoes on the wrong feet.
Pupil: They’re the only feet I have, miss.
- Pupil: Please miss, would you punish someone for something they didn’t do?
Teacher: No, of course, not.
Pupil: Oh good, because I haven’t done my homework.
- Teacher: If you had $50 in one pocket and you asked your dad for another $50, what would you have?
Pupil: $50.
Teacher: You obviously don’t know how to add.
Pupil: You obviously don’t know my dad.
- Teacher: Give me a sentence with the word “indisposition” in it.
Pupil: I always play center because I like feeling in dis position.
- Parent: I’m worried about you being at the bottom of the class.
Child: Don’t worry, Mom, they teach the same things at both ends.
- Teacher: “Which is the more important to us – sun or the moon?”
Student: “The moon.”
Teacher: “Why?”
Student: “The moon gives us light at night when we need it. The sun gives us light only in the daytime when we don’t need it.”
Funny Jokes For Kids
Waiter, Waiter…Funny Jokes For Kids
- Waiter, waiter, what’s this fly doing on my ice cream?
Learning to ski I think, sir.
- Waiter, waiter, bring me something to eat and make me snappy.
How about a crocodile sandwich, sir?
- Waiter, waiter, how often do you change the tablecloths in the establishments?
I don’t know sir, I’ve been here only six months.
- Bob: “Can you do anything that other people can’t?
Bill: “Why, yes. I can read my own handwriting.”
- Are you the same waiter who took my order?
Yes, sir.
My goodness, you’ve certainly aged well.
- Waiter, waiter, what’s wrong with the fish?
Long time, no sea, sir.
- Wiater, waiter, how did the fly get in my soup?
It probably slew, madam.
- Waiter, waiter, there is a fly in the soup!
That’s okay, there’s enough there for both of you.
- Waiter, waiter, there’s a fly in the ice cream!
Let him freeze to death, sir, it’ll teach him a lesson.
- Waiter: How do you find your steak sir?
Customer: Oh it wasn’t difficult, it was just between the potato and the salad.
- Waiter, waiter, do you have frogs’ legs?
Yes, sir.
Oh good. Can you hop over the counter and fix me a cheese sandwich?
- Diner: What’s that?
Waiter: It’s a tomato surprise.
Diner: I can’t see any tomatoes in it.
Waiter: I know, sir, that’s the surprise.
- Waiter, waiter, there’s a fly in the soup!
What do you expect for 50¢, sir, a beetle?
- Waiter, waiter, your sleeve is in my soup!
Oh, there’s no arm in it.
- Diner: Is this chicken or onion soup?
Waiter: Can’t you tell by the flavor?
Diner: No.
Waiter: In that case, sir, does it make any difference?
Funny Jokes For Kids
- Waiter, waiter, why have you served me a squashed apple pie?
You said, “Step on it, waiter, I’m in a hurry.”
- Waiter, waiter, do you serve crabs in this restaurant?
We serve anyone, sir, please take a seat.
- Waiter, waiter, this chicken’s only got one leg.
Perhaps it’s been in a fight, sir.
In that case, bring me the winner.
- Waiter, waiter, there’s a fly in the soup!
That’s all right, sir, we don’t charge you extra.
- Waiter, waiter, do you have frog’s legs?
No sir, I’ve always walked like this…
- First customer: The service in this restaurant is terrible!
Second customer: I know, but the food is so bad, I don’t mind waiting for it.
- Waiter, waiter, this soup tastes funny!
Then why aren’t you laughing, sir?
- Waiter, waiter, there is no chicken in this chicken pot pie!
Would you expect to find a dog in a dog biscuit, sir?
- Waiter, waiter, there’s a small slug in my salad!
I do apologize, sir, would you like a bigger one?
- Waiter, waiter, what’s the fly doing in my soup!
It looks like backstroke to me, sir.
- Waiter, waiter, I’m in a hurry – will my pancake be long?
No, sir, it will be round.
- Waiter, waiter, there’s a spider in my soup. Get me the manager!
That won’t do any good, sir, he’s afraid of them too.
More Funny Jokes For Kids
- What do you call a one-eyed dinosaur?
D’youthink’esaurus.
- Which dinosaur always comes first in spelling tests?
A Tyrannathesaurus Rex.
- Did you hear about the theft of a van full of wigs?
Police are combing the area.
Funny Jokes For Kids
- Do you know the joke about the bed?
No.
Nor do I, it hasn’t been made yet!
- Why did the cowboy jump off the wagon?
Because he got stage fright.
- Do you play piano by ear?
No, I’ve found it easier to use my hands.
- Why was the little Egyptian girl upset?
Because her daddy was a mummy.
- Which vegetable is good at pool?
A cue-cumber.
- “I’d like to be included in your next edition,” said the man on the phone to the Guinness Book of Records. “Why, what have you done?” came the reply. “I’ve completed a jigsaw in just under a week and on the box, it says three to five years.”
- How do Eskimos dress?
As soon as possible.
- Why is the sky so high?
So birds don’t bump their heads.
- What is big, green, bad-tempered, and wears ripped clothes?
The Incredible Sulk.
- Why did the tonsils get dressed up?
Because the doctor was taking them out.
- How did the detective find Quasimodo?
He followed a hunch.
- How do you get rid of a boomerang?
Throw it down a one-way street.
- What do you call small rivers that run into the Nile?
Juveniles.
- Lady: What do you want to be when you grow up?
Boy: I want to follow in my father’s footsteps and be a policeman.
Lady: I didn’t know your father was a policeman?
Boy: he’s not, he’s a burglar.
Funny Jokes For Kids
- What do you call a flying policeman?
A helicopper.
- What’s a crocodile’s favorite game?
Snap.
We hope you liked these Funny Jokes in English. Click here, to LOL.
